Recognizing My Privilege

It’s easy for me to recognize privilege others have that I do not have (and wish I had). In order to keep from becoming a bitter person I have to regularly leave space in my life to acknowledge and grieve the things I feel I lack: denied opportunities, a lack of connections, a lack of resources, etc. If I didn’t let myself grieve it would sit in my soul like a lead weight and keep me from continuing to create and thrive. But whenever something happens that reminds me just how privileged I am, I need to leave space to acknowledge and give thanks for that too.

On my birthday I was out with my camera, as I usually am when I am not working my day job, and got caught in the snow. Silly me, I didn’t have my camera’s raincoat with me. But my camera is advertised as weather-resistant, so I didn’t let the snowfall discourage me from making street photos as I went about my way. Two mornings later I prepared to do a self-portrait to send to a friend and was horrified to find my camera did not power up. So I took it to a camera shoppe that night for them to diagnose.

The prognosis was simple: the burnt-out circuit board would need to be replaced, and it would cost a few hundred dollars. After wincing at the unexpected expense I had them charge the repairs to my credit card, knowing I would be able to pay it off before finance charges hit in a month. But the next morning I got the call I had dreaded: there was so much water damage it would cost more to repair the camera than to replace it, so they were refunding my repair charges. After more wincing and some searching on eBay I found a replacement body, an upgrade from the one that had just died, and charged the $1200 for it and the necessary accessories on my credit card. I should have my new camera by Tuesday, and I should have my card paid off in a few months (or sooner, depending on the size of my tax refund).

As much as I may complain about how my dollars don’t go as far as I would like them to or how much more money I wish I had at my disposal, the ability to absorb that kind of unexpected expense for my art is a sign of privilege, no matter how you frame it. It doesn’t mean I am better than someone else, am more deserving than someone else, or have been given something I don’t deserve. All it means is for various reasons I have resources available to me that some people do not, and I need to acknowledge and be grateful for that. It means I will continue to be careful to move through life in gratitude and with humility in light of what I have been blessed with.

And I am keeping my camera’s raincoat in her bag from now on, just in case!